Healing Wounds

I seen that look in Ayguili's eyes when odd no longer belonged to him. More than many, I know the pain of loss. First my father, killed in a battle he would not allow me to assist him in, but that he insisted that I stand there and watch, comforting my already grieving mother. Part of me died that day.
My sisters are scattered to the winds. One resides at the Sacred Bosk Outpost, a spot run by a half Tuchuk mad man. Another rides paths most would fear to think about. Still another sits chained to the Ubar's wagon, but she would be far away if she were not chained.
My only brother, a half brother by a lecherous encounter my father had - while mated to my mother - idiot that he was, died a warrior's death.
And women... my first mate hanging bosk horns on me with my own commander. I should have stilled her cheating heart. But turned out it was only her nature. She later begged an Ubar's collar.
My second seemed to think I was her possession. Now I'm a purty easy going fella but that dint set well. Still she gave me my son, even if she took him away while I was on pilgrimage.
My first love died giving me the daughter that is no longer mine...just some collared slut in the camps of the Kataii. I dint even know our youthful experiments had resulted in a child until the girl was sent to me at about age two. Another hole in my heart, that one.
My mate before Kaeli was the sister of a close friend. I thought I'd found the right one for sure that time. She left in the night, pregnant with my child. I don't know why and I don't know where she is or what happened to either of them.
I know what it is to have something precious ripped away. It's worth more than five well blooded livestock to replace that ripped away piece of my Brother the Scarrer's heart.
It's the least I can do now that Kaeli's repaired mine.

Visions of Kaeli

I couldn't sleep for watchin her, knowin how hard she's been workin and that I'd be leavin before the rise of Torvis. She looked so innocent and sweet, pink lips half open like a child's as she slept. Her skin like velvet under the roughened skin of my hand. At least I'd been able to rub her aching feet and legs, though that lead to other things, ticklin, teasin, lovin. I didn't tell her I was goin. She'd find the note I scribbled. It was on the table by the lamp.
I do what I'm told by my commanders, by my Ubar. But this seems the hardest thing I've ever done besides leaving Fess in his mother's hands. To leave Kaeli, newly with child... already I can feel the difference, the barest minimum of roundness to her lower belly.. her perky tits a mite fuller, more sensitive. And to leave my mother's daughter in chains.... I laid my head on her side and found some peace for a little while. Then Argus was at the wagon flap and it was time to go. I hope Kaeli will be ahright. Sky watch over her and Nannababy.

So.. at last it has come about. She disrobed before me and I always sleep in my loin cloths or naked, so, our chilled flesh warmed in each other's touching. She's tiny, delicate in a way I've never experienced in a woman, yet there's the tensil strenght of steel under her petite exterior. Maybe that's why we fit so well. I ran my hands over the sleek curves of her body, feelin the swell in both my chest and my cock. If lookin at her made me hungry for her, touchin just made me ravenous! She dint seem to mind all the scars I carry. My woman was so warm, so eager... her moans almost musical. Playing the instrument of her lovely body was exhilirating! I have been a liddle nervous about how we'd fit together, but she lifted up as I thrust down and it all seemd to glide into place. After that, I can't say I have verbal memories... just carnal physical visions. We slept in each other's arms. The next time... we gonna talk some too. We make each other laugh.

Saddleback

North we go. It's time. Sittin in the saddle gives me more time to think than I feel like I've had in a lifetime. There's a maelstrom whirling through my metal head. My son, my position in the clan and in the Tribe, Kaeli, even that beast we been calling dung all claim their own section of my thought process. Guess I'll hammer through this like I do plannin a project.
My son...just seeing him working with me in the forge heals a lotta wounded places in my soul. To have his courage and ingenuity acknowledged is massive! Already Tengfei Tetsuo has gained many accolades from our Ubar and others with age, wisdom. No matter who sits the greys, he'll do ahright.
Now for my life place. It's exciting to be able to create the visions that populate my creative spirit once more. I went on pilgrimage to the Sardar for many reasons, but Teran restricting me from manufacturing the pieces of my being that become treasured weapons rated high on the list. As for becomin a commander of an orlu, well, I'm a simple fella. My ten was good enough for me, but like my folks taught me, I'm gonna rise ta any challenge. If I can kill forty Alar with little ta no assistance, I can manage the runnin of 100 Tuchuk.
And Kaeli, ahh, sweet Kaekae. Purty much a forgone conclusion she and I will hook up in a serious way. Would like to meet her kids. The substitute father figures in my life have been varied - some annoying, some perplexing, one - in spite of his grandfather havin chosen to leave the tribe, along with his family - I'd like to emulate. He never made me feel less than part of his family and he did a magnificent job of raising my half sister Raven. I know Kae's kids ain't babies no more, but I'd like to be there for them like my momma's man has been there for all her offspring. Now, am I in love? Dunno. Can Kae accept a warm home and warm furs without havin the man providing them being in love wid her? I do have love for her, but I dun think women find that the same thing. As always, time will tell.

Could there be more?

Clean wagon, presents, clean boots, a gentle heart... could there be more? What am I missin this time? So much easier to plan out the making of an ax blade or a length of chain. It's even easier to kill a man of equal skill as mine than it is to figure out a woman and what's behind her behavior. Guess I'm getting pretty suspicious as I grow older. Could be about time. The deceptions of others have left me cold inside where I'd rather remain warm. There was a time when those in the harigga could be counted on to back me up as I backed them up. To talk to me as I am open to talk to others. Things changed as I grew up and after my father died, just forget it. How will I explain to Kaeli about how no woman will pull my hair for as long as the memory of Catranna treating me like one of her many kajiri lingers in my mind? I don't even know how it got to be like that. Guess I have been too easy going to be respected by people have had no family member fall to my quiva, ax or bow.

Life Moves On

Well, tonight I learned that a woman I would have liked to be at my side is now the woman of another. That's what happens when the siren sings her sweetest tunes. But I don't think I would trade the music of the forge for another woman. The hammer's my instrument, the anvil my mate. First Son and ... the other... are all the children I need to carry on my seed. The children of my soul are the creation of my forge anyway. Gone is Netty...there is only Leonette now. I'll lose myself in the curves of chain and cutting edges that I can see coming.

To Feel or To Think

I know that there be those among Tribe who dun get me, dun understand me. Could be I'm just too Old Plains. What moves me, dun affect them. Grass, as far as the eye can detect, forming a waving sea...it calls me to the March. The sound of metal ringing against da anvil, that be my siren's song. The making of things needed and necessary, yet beautiful in subtle ways. Most don't even know this side of me. Skies, most these days don't know me! Gone are the friends of my youth, except for a very few. Gone are my mentors and teachers. Gone is my father and my mother has found her peace in a new life, along with my sister. When I'm asked what I think, I usually gotta tell what I'm feeling. When asked what I feel, I find myself answering, "Well, I think..." Good thing none but me see this rambling tangle of disjointed musings.

A Change Has Come

I finally came up out my own thoughts to actually hear what da message da singers were sending out. A new Ubar... Now don't that just beat all. Guess it's about time. Gonna have to come out my forge, out my wagon and get to know the man.